In previous articles, we have discussed how important the influences around you are; especially those people that are closest to you.

It says in 1 Corinthians 15:33:

“Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character’.”

This verse could not be closer to the truth. Many people’s lives have been ruined or lifted up according to the people that have been closest to them.

This is why learning how to manage these relationships becomes an extremely valuable skill, which can have a great impact on our lives. Being able to set healthy boundaries, knowing who to let into your closest circles, and displaying great communication skills can save us a great deal of painful learning experiences — whilst also guiding us into beautiful relationships that can have the most profound effect on our lives.

Thankfully, the Bible is full of verses to help us with this subject, so we will use them and apply them to our 21st-century relationships.

Setting Boundaries

Before we think about what boundaries to set for ourselves in our relationships, we must first understand that we are made in the image of God.

You may ask, “Why is this important?”

The reason for this is that in order for us to set the correct boundaries for ourselves, we must first establish our own value.

Illustration: Understanding Value

Anything that holds value within this world we have respect for. Here’s an example so you can see our point more clearly:

• The T‑shirt you don’t care about — that you place no value on — you don’t really care what happens to it. You don’t mind getting it dirty or it tearing in a certain place because you know that the T-shirt is replaceable.

• The expensive T-shirt that your mum got you for your birthday — you will definitely mind if something spills on it or it gets damaged.

Why? Because there is value to this shirt; therefore you treat it with the utmost respect. You protect it and are mindful of what environments to wear it in.

Once you become aware that you are made in the image of God, made by God, and are priceless, you will understand the value that you hold in the eyes of the Almighty. Once you have recognized your worth, you will go to the greatest lengths to protect that and keep in place the boundaries that need to be placed.

Proverbs 4:23:

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

Regardless of who the relationship is with, the number one thing you must require from that person is a level of respect.

There are certain boundaries that, when crossed, can make you feel upset and hurt. These boundaries are different for each of us and it is important that we know what they are.

When you feel like that boundary has been crossed in whatever relationship it is, you must let them know — especially to those that are closest to you.

If this person continues to cross this boundary:

• You know that this person has a lack of respect.

• They do not value the relationship.

This is someone you need to ask yourself about:

• “Why does this person continue to cross my boundaries?”

• “Is this relationship worth keeping?”

A person that respects you will remember and keep those boundaries because they value the relationship they have with you. They may slip up every now and then because no one is perfect — but you must give them grace and forgiveness, the same way God has done for us.

Communication

Whilst we’ve established setting boundaries in these relationships, we must be able to communicate those boundaries — and anything else for that matter — in an effective and loving way.

James 1:19 says:

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

The Power of the Tongue

Constantly, throughout the Bible, we are warned about the power of the tongue. We hear that life and death are in the power of the tongue.

It is very easy in a heated situation to let the tongue go and say whatever we feel like saying at that moment, regardless of the consequences.

If we don’t learn to control the tongue, we can lose valuable relationships that were beneficial for our lives.

When someone else in our life has uttered negative and hurtful words to us, we know how horrible it feels — so we must be careful to not be the one who utters those horrible words.

In the same way, we know how great it feels to hear uplifting words — we must take action to make sure we are the ones to uplift others, especially those that we have relationships with.

Proverbs 4:8:

“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

When we communicate, we must be careful to pick our words correctly. This is a skill that is not mastered straight away but takes years of trial and error — so don’t be worried if sometimes you slip up.

As long as you speak with good intentions, you will develop how to speak and will know what to say in certain situations.

Remember: it is the heart that dictates the actions and words that you make. This is why we must ask God to continually clean our hearts.

When you have found yourself in those tougher situations, where communication is needed, you will say uplifting and positive things that will help build that relationship. Continue to ask God for help and wisdom in these situations — He will freely give to you if you ask.

Choosing the Right Relationships

We must next see how to identify if someone is worth building a relationship with.

It is near impossible to determine a person’s character when first getting to know them. We are all made up of many layers, both good and bad. Some of these layers are much deeper and only come out as you really get to know that person.

However, some show their bad layers early on — and it is up to us to pick up on these “red flags”.

Proverbs 22:3:

“The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.”

Most of us have the ability to spot the red flags and understand that this person will not be good for us. But many turn a blind eye because the person is “fun” or “cool” to be around.

Unfortunately, this often leads to negative impacts, just as Proverbs points out.

These red flags may not hurt us at the start — but as the relationship deepens, if that person has not addressed them, we will eventually pay the penalty.

Even though we are Christian, we can have friendships with all different types of people with different backgrounds and beliefs — we are called to love all people (love your neighbour as yourself).

However, for those who share your love for the Lord, keep them closest. These are the ones who:

• Hold the same morals as you

• Guide you closer to the Lord

• Edify your spirit

These characteristics in a friend far outweigh someone who can just make you laugh or have fun. The best is to find people who can do both — and there are plenty of those out there.

Romantic Relationships

The principles in this chapter apply to friendships and romantic partners.

However, when choosing who to date, it is far more important that we choose wisely — there is less room for error. Romantic partners hold a much stronger influence on us, whether we like it or not.

A lot of people have done things they would never have done if it wasn’t for love — including ourselves.

Choosing a Godly Partner

2 Corinthians 6:14:

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”

We first recommend choosing a partner who has accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Saviour.

Why?

• Unequally yoked relationships bring hurdles that can push you out of alignment with God’s will.

• Some enter these relationships to “bring the other person to Christ” — but remember, only God draws people to Himself.

• Rather than being with someone in opposition to what you believe, be with someone who uplifts your spirit and helps guide you closer to Christ.

Hebrews 13:4:

“Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”

Purity & God’s Timing

Sex is highly normalised today — but Christians are called to wait until marriage. We know this is challenging, but we must trust God’s plan. Choosing a partner who shares your faith makes this easier.

A Christian partner doesn’t guarantee a perfect relationship, but it helps place Christ at the centre, guiding your love and growth together.

Dating with Intentionality

Ephesians chapter 5 is a wonderful blueprint for Christian relationships. When we date, we must date with the intention to marry.

God’s love is permanent and committed — and our love for others should reflect the same heart.

Entering relationships with unclear or selfish intentions will only cause pain. If things don’t work out, that’s okay — but treat the relationship with respect and take its impact seriously.

1 Corinthians 13:4–7:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Love is not just a feeling — it is an action. Someone who truly loves you, and loves God, will strive to display these traits.

Likewise, reflect on your own actions in relationships and seek to embody this type of love.